after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
