Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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