SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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