Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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