eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
