are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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