You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
