By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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