I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
