gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
