just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
