Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
