im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
