I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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