the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
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A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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