i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I got inside last night via doggy door
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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