She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
