At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
