8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
