I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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