I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize