Soap is not a condiment
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
