I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
