If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
