call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
