I accidentally burped into my bong.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
