I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
