Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
