found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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