drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
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The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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