If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
