My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
