i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
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