I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
