There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
