omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
