in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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