She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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