Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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