if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
