I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
