I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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