if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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