I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
