I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This house was built for laser tag.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
