Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
