i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
