yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
