Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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