is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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