He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
