I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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