I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
