i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
