he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
