the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
