Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
