margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
