You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
