I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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