so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I wish there were birth control emojis
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
