Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
