I think I won the penis lottery.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
