i wish there were pregnant emoticons
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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