why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
