I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
